Have you ever been invited to go somewhere and you think, “totally, we are so down, lets go. We never get out anymore; lets do it!!! (So many exclamation marks because you hardly get the invite to begin with now that you’re parents). Then you remember, you have a baby and you no longer just walk out of the door like you used to. It’s like the scene in Neighbors where the couple gets ready to go out with their friends to a party and by 10pm, they have both knocked out by the door, after packing up all of the kid’s crap, for a lack of a better word. So after the excitement of being asked to do something you realize it’s actually way too much work to walk out of the door, but you still do it anyway. It’s just not as fun as it used to be getting ready to go out.
I remember being able to walk out the door after an invite. It seems so long ago. Taking your time getting ready, like literally 2 hours just because you can. Trying on a trillion different outfits, because it has to be the right one, for the right occasion of course. Oh, and how long did it take to put just the right shoes with it? And, by shoes, I mean my 4 inch heels which I couldn’t live without. Which black pair would I choose? I could spend an hour on hair too. Do I want to blow it out, do I want to straighten it, do I want to curl it, do I want to add my clip in extensions? Don’t forget those lashes girl, extra lashes are my jam! So many options! All you had to do was put yourself together and leave.
Now? I’m lucky I put on something that doesn’t have some sort of baby fluid on it. In fact, you’re lucky I’m not wearing the same shirt I’ve had on for the past 3 days. Because, what is the point in having the same baby spew out the same formula spit up, drool or snot on a new shirt? My outfit, what outfit? You mean one of the 25 pairs of black workout pants I have that now dominate my wardrobe.
My closet runneth over of white and black tees because that’s about all I can handle thinking about when getting dressed; which one of these has the least amount of baby fluid on it? Hair, well that just goes straight up into some sort of decent ponytail or bun. When your child’s favorite thing to do is yank it as hard as they possibly can, you do your best to make sure that’s not even an option. Shoes, there are no longer 4 inch stilettos in plain view. A select few were saved from being donated for special occasions. By the time I go to a “special occasion” I’ll have forgotten how to walk in them, but they are pretty to look at. Flats dominate my wardrobe these days. The only lashes that I have now are the ones I was born with.
I give a valiant effort when I step into actual public. However, I feel like I need a nanny to get ready. Between the crawling around, pulling up and making sure he doesn’t fall back and hit his head and the crying because he’s not happy waiting anymore, you wonder if it’s really worth it to leave your house. And, I’m no longer talking Target as a public venue. I feel like “the people of Walmart” when I go to Target now. I wonder how many people think, “good grief lady, your child is old enough now, tidy it up honey!” I see those moms who look like they stepped straight out of their Instagram accounts and wonder how they do it. I only have one child, just one. Some of these ladies have 3 or more kids in tow! I bow down ladies, I bow down.
So, after I find the right “outfit,” and have made myself look like one of those IG moms, I’m running around packing a diaper bag with extra outfits, not for me, for the baby, bottles, formula, diapers, wipes, and toys, especially Sophie, DO NOT FORGET SOPHIE. Then, and only then, are we ready to step out and meet you. Please realize it’s been an effort and most likely it will be short lived because our lives are now run by a 7 month old.
Cheers, now lets have a mimosa, I’m tired…