Now that we’ve made it 18 months, I have a confession to make, I didn’t really like my baby when he was first born. Being a “mom” wasn’t what I expected it to be during the first three months. It wasn’t like what I saw on the IG accounts or on FB at all. I told my hubby that I thought we made a mistake having a child and I did not want more children because everything I thought it would be, wasn’t. It took time for me to like him. Now I look back and think that’s how the best relationships start. They must grow. As the months have passed and now are turning into years, the more my love for him grows. However, I wasn’t and still am not the mom that thinks I was born for this or that #momlifeisthebestlife.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and he has my heart, but I’m never going to be the mom who thinks it’s the best thing since sliced bread, and that’s okay. Sometimes I feel like people put on that façade so you think they’re so great, and it is; for them, if it’s the truth. I’m not ever going to be on that level with them.
When people say, “I can’t remember what I did before kids,” I think to myself, “I do.” I used to sleep until 10am, brunch with friends, ride my bike around, have dinner and drinks with friends, work out when I wanted to and strolled leisurely through Target and the mall. Now, I need to make special arrangements to do any of those things. And, that’s fine. Eventually I’ll get some me time back, just after I’m done making sure this tiny human doesn’t become a drain on society.
I’ve got to keep watering that relationship I have with my tiny human to make sure it continues to grow. The more days I spend with him, the more my heart grows and that’s the feeling I was looking for.